The (Your) Highest Art
"I Protect That Which Matters Most"~ Seraph from "The Matrix Reloaded"
At some point I believe, the truly deep, psycho-spiritual work must come to an end in this (my) lifetime. The incessant, unrelenting ‘seeking’ must diminish – must become less-and-less important - if not altogether disappear. Some believe that the choice can be consciously made to end it – this seeking. I wonder about that considering its power over us (me). I imagine it’s akin to a full-blown addiction that must be addressed and then lived-with or ‘managed’ once you become ‘clean.’ Once an addict, always an addict. Factor in struggles with health, depression, grief, finances, relationships, work/career, Teachers, Paths, etc. and you’ve got all the attendant characteristics and mechanisms of enabling this type of addiction. For the addict, removing oneself from the people and behaviors that enable the addiction is absolutely necessary for any attempt at successful recovery. In the addiction to seeking, no such strategy will suffice. And what exactly is being sought? G-O-D? “Enlightenment?” Peace? What would happen if you found “It” or NEVER found It? What if It was something that can’t be sought in the first place – or is indeed some Holy Grail-type destination? How would either of those possibilities leave you in terms of your desire or need to 'seek?' What if this world / reality is a holographic projection / simulation? Maya / Illusion? Where would that leave your Faith or belief system(s) or existential concepts?
Perhaps G-O-D chose to manifest duality – to manifest Others – to manifest Separateness – in order to ultimately not be alone / lonely? And the only way to truly alleviate that ultimate loneliness would be to LOVE oneself so absolutely and so unconditionally through the “vehicle” (direct experience) of Loving and Serving Others? Could this idea, this commitment, this resolve be taken to (inform) the essential nature of your very existence? To ultimate existentialism? Perhaps the ultimate expression of Faith is that of Karma / Duty / Action? Doing something, believing something to be true – to be worthwhile – to be absolutely life-affirming, LOVE affirming – even in the face of a potentially cruel and indifferent G-O-D? What would such an expression and belief be or look like?
I recently watched the quite powerful Netflix film “Shot Caller” starring Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (aka: ‘Ser Jaime Lannister’ from “Game of Thrones” fame) and was again reminded of this idea of an ultimate expression, of ultimate Karma / Duty / Action. Without giving-away the plot, I felt that the character chose to “hold” (honor) the ultimate expression of his LOVE – and discharge his Karma / Duty / Action in Service to that (his) ultimate “The Good, the True, and the Beautiful” (LOVE) in his life. It is a startling film and study in ultimate sacrifice – the character’s heartbreaking, but incredible masterpiece - his Highest Art.
What to you is worth living-for? And what to you is worth dying-for? What would you sacrifice for your greatest LOVE? What ultimate expression would have you feel you’ve redeemed yourself and possibly humanity? What is it that would make you feel worthy of being loved by G-O-D? What is it that would make you feel worthy of BEING G-O-D?
Even in the face of absolute futility, absurdity, cruelty, and meaninglessness - what would you choose to “hold” and honor in your last breath, in your last thought? What will you stand-for even if it could potentially mean absolutely nothing – to anything / anyone other than yourself? What is it that ultimately gives you purpose and meaning – and can that, finally, after so much, after so long, put a compassionate end to your suffering – this endless and desperate seeking? Perhaps when you find your highest art, this seeking will naturally end? It seems so.