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Just be open – you are guided

Lord, I know not what I ought to ask of thee;
Thou only knowest what I need;
Thou lovest me better than I know how to love myself.
O Father, give to Thy child that which
he himself knows not how to ask.
I dare not ask either for crosses or for consolations;
I simply present myself before thee,
I open my heart to Thee.
Behold my needs which I know not myself;
see and do according to Thy tender mercy.
Smite, or heal;
depress me or raise me up;
I adore all Thy purposes without knowing them;
I am silent;
I offer myself in sacrifice;
I yield myself to Thee:
I would have no other desire than to accomplish Thy will.
Teach me to pray.
Pray Thyself in me.
AMEN.
- François de Salignac Fenelon,
Archbishop of Cambray, 1651­-1715, AD

My closest, greatest teacher (Abdi Assadi) has to constantly remind me of this fact (posting title) but I’ve struggled with the idea of it my entire life. More-and-more I look at myself and see the problems with my mind – the way it works – the ‘monkey mind’ as it were. It’s extremely difficult NOT to be your own greatest obstacle/enemy, especially when you have significant ‘childhood woundings’, caretaker tendencies, and self-esteem issues that you’re working through.

I recently came across the Web site for Steve Pavlina and specifically his blog posting for working with intentions: http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2006/06/how-intentions-manifest/

Steve says, “Whatever you imagine with enough energy will eventually manifest. If your thoughts are clear and focused, you’ll manifest your desires relatively quickly and easily. If your thoughts are jumbled and chaotic, you’ll manifest a seemingly random and haphazard life for yourself.”

Also well put was, “Regardless of whether I think the universe is objective or subjective, I know that my dominant thoughts are the key determinants of my results in life. My thoughts control my decisions, and my decisions over time control my results. When I really understood that, I assumed a new level of responsibility for every thought that went through my mind. I decided to take conscious control of my thoughts no matter what. I saw that I could no longer afford to have my mind haphazardly dwelling on things I didn’t want.”

I read his posting a couple of times and really appreciated his message. I looked at his biographical information and came to appreciate it even more. It seems that some of us must hit ‘rock-bottom’ before we can begin our ascension. Another teacher of mine (Rolf Gates) said that (and I’m paraphrasing from memory), “I had to be utterly and completely humbled before I was willing to surrender to guidance from a higher power”.

It is an interesting type of masochism that works in me (us?) that wants to continually validate the idea that the universe is conspiring against me or at least ‘deaf’ to our intentions and prayers. I can honestly say that my mind has an unhealthy affinity for gravitating towards the negative. It’s self-sabotage at the level of thought – and these tendencies are the ‘intention killers’ that Steve Pavlina talks about. Every time I think that I can’t do something, I’ll fail at something, something won’t work-out, something will go wrong, I won’t be supported, etc. – that’s EXACTLY what happens. I’ve grown extremely adept at manifesting the things I don’t want because I focus on them at the level of thought MUCH MORE than the things I do. Interesting stuff! I mean, my ego is EXPERT at this – and the ego LOVES being the expert. The great masters tell us that this is the ego mind continually trying to CONTROL everything – and it asserts control by negating the limitless possibilities of the universe. Basically, the mind doesn’t want us to believe that there is another power (other than itself) that is actually in control – another power (the only power) that we’ve forgotten by design – the power we must strive to remember, honor and access.

I remember Myron Stolaroff (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myron_Stolaroff) speaking about “being above the line or below the line” in meditation (podcast: http://www.matrixmasters.net/blogs/?p=110 - an astoundingly beautiful tribute to Dr. Albert Hoffmann on the occasion of his 100th birthday). My understanding of this concept has a lot to do with the noise of the mind, a kind of ‘thermo cline’ – like barrier that separates realms of thought/being (emptiness/receptivity). If I can remain ‘above the line’ I am in a place where the negative tendencies of the ego mind can’t go – if I fall ‘below the line’, I am at their mercy and lost in suffering.

I am not a good meditator. I do not have a consistent practice. My Ashtanga hatha yoga practice is the type of ‘moving meditation’ that I can easily grasp on a consistent basis because it suits my personality type and perhaps my level of spiritual development. I wish I could do better in this regard. I am too easily distracted. Consistent meditation is too difficult for me. Funny thing about these thoughts – I’ve done it yet again…

OM Shantih,

~b

Pranams at Thy Lotus Feet

I have recently returned to NYC after a week-long trip to the North County area of San Diego, California. The main reason Dana and I went was to study/practice with Tim Miller of the Ashtanga Yoga Center in Carlsbad. Tim is the first American certified by Sri Krishna Pattabhi Jois to teach Ashtanga Yoga and began studying with him in 1978. Guruji (Jois) teaches according to the methods taught to him by the legendary Sri Tirumali Krishnamacharya. Ashtanga Yoga is an ancient system of Yoga that was taught by Vamana Rishi in the Yoga Korunta. This text was imparted to Sri T. Krishnamacharya in the early 1900's by his Guru Rama Mohan Brahmachari, and was later passed down to Pattabhi Jois during the duration of his studies with Krishnamacharya, beginning in 1927 - courtesy of the Ashtanga Yoga Research Institute. Guruji also calls Ashtanga yoga Patanjali Yoga because the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali are the spiritual and philosophical foundation of Ashtanga Yoga.

Tim is a sweet, funny, humble and supremely generous and gracious teacher and his studio has a light-hearted and yet profoundly dedicated vibe to it. A very different energy than that of NYC yoga studios in general. Almost the polar opposite – very nurturing and light (sweet? playful? feminine?) as opposed to the frenetic and dense (driven? competitive? masculine?) energy of NYC. It was a magical vacation and I have a very special place in my heart for Tim and the Encinitas/Carlsbad area. The surfing, the fish tacos, the yoga, the California beach-town vibe, etc. Not only is this area the birthplace of Ashtanga Yoga in the U.S. - I should also mention that there is a long spiritual tradition in that area, specifically that of the Self-Realization Fellowship founded in Encinitas in 1937 by Paramahansa Yogananda. It is at the Hermitage where he wrote the spiritual classic, Autobiography of a Yogi, one of my transformative influences. Because of this trip and the experiences, I feel as though I’ve had a breakthrough of sorts. I had been feeling rather stuck for a very long time prior to this vacation and I feel that I’ve finally taken another important step in my own progress along the path (I wrote about feeling stuck in a previous posting). I don’t know if was Tim, surfing, the big fight I had with Dana, walking in the footsteps of Paramahansa Yogananda or what - but I felt a lot lighter coming back into NYC and I’ve been able to hold (somewhat) that feeling since. I spoke to a friend about this feeling and I think it’s about recognizing the fact that no matter what transpires, that we always have possibilities in our lives. I forget who, but I remember a great teacher speaking of the fact that because we’re alive, that anything is possible. I couldn’t see a life for myself in any place other than New York prior to the trip, and now I see that there are other places that would (could) sustain me. Not that I’m through with New York by any stretch, but it’s nice (crucial?) to have another possible home - even the fantasy of it. It’s the associated feelings of expansiveness that I’m trying (with great difficulty) to describe. It’s as if due to this trip, that I’ve expanded the boundaries of my perceptions in inumerable ways – ways that I hadn’t anticipated. Travel (experience) really is the greatest teacher one can have. The famous cook book author Anne Willan taught me that - but that's another story...

Sri Sri Mata Amritanandamayi Devi (Ammachi) was just here in NYC for her Summer 2007 tour. I again tried to receive her darshan only to fail due to my own impatience (cynical ego?) and scheduling conflicts. You really need to set aside an entire day (or night) to see her. You can get a token for the darshan line and then time/estimate how long it takes for a few of the letters of the alphabet (represented on the tokens) to cycle – each alphanumeric combination representing a large group of people waiting to receive her darshan. You can then leave and then go back to the center at the appropriate ETH (estimated time of hug). I tried this methodology, but came back too late and missed my opportunity. This is my second attempt. The first time on her previous tour, I went at night and was looking at a very, very long wait – into the early morning hours at the very least. When you’re looking an early start and a long one at work the next day, it becomes an issue of resolve and dedication. I bailed that time too. A dear, sweet friend was able to go and I’m happy to say was successful in her quest. She attributed my advice and tips to her successful experience, but we both know that there was another guide at work. She related to Dana and I a story that sent shivers down my spine – that a complete stranger commented on her tatoos (symbols for enlightenment) and said that she “needed to do more work on that”. Prior to this point my friend was on the fence about going to see Ammachi – knowing very well the possibilities of a formidable undertaking. Upon hearing the admonishment of this complete stranger, she made a bee-line to the Manhattan Center and in under an hour was able to embrace the living saint who has embraced somewhere in the neighborhood of 30 million people (talk about LinkedIn!). According to my friend this was no ordinary embrace and her story (and glowing aura) was testament to the blessing she received by the divine mother. It was an amazing recounting and one that filled me with joy not only for her, but also that I had a small part in such a profound experience. There are no coincidences. Thank you Blessed Mother and all my teachers, pranams at your lotus feet.

OM Shantih,

~b

Amazing Grace

How do you describe ‘grace’? How do you capture it? Would you recognize it if you saw it? All I know is when you are honored to be a witness, it is undeniable. Your heart resonates. We were all just so honored when the painfully shy and supremely humble Paul Potts mustered the courage to step toward his dreams. It is glorious to behold.

OM Shantih,

~b

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Paul Potts Audition on 'Britain's Got Talent'

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