This particular installment came to me with great difficulty - hence the length of time between posts. So, I decided to incorporate this dilemma into my essay. Many times what happens to me is that ideas come in a torrent – and the challenge I face is in the separation of them into some sort of distinguishable and understandable cohesive thought or theme. And I’ve got so many ideas and themes – the proverbial fuel is never-ending! Example ideas are Daniel Ellsberg and the ‘military-industrial (and congressional-executive-think tank) complex’, ‘expanding consciousness with entheogenic/sacred medicines’, ‘the American middle class no longer exists’, ‘the mystery of 2012’, etc. – and part of the challenge is to keep these ideas/themes separate, to do them justice - I don’t want to ramble and have these topics blur into each other. And then I come up against a block of sorts – an upwelling of self-doubt that represents my fear that what I write – what I have to say – is irrelevant or pegs me as some sort of nut case- or both.
I have been living in a sort of energetic limbo – almost as if I have an impression of a life or evolutionary ‘staircase’ that climbs-up away from me and I am hanging on the upward impulse of my next step. It’s an awkward position to be in and I don’t quite know how to ‘be’ with it. A great teacher (Dr. Robert Svoboda) with whom I had the pleasure of a private consultation said that I need to “recognize the value in uncertainty”. That’s the trick isn’t it? But at what point does the ‘uncertainty’ become pleasant or at least comfortable? It seems that struggle is an inherent part of my path. My Rahu Dasa period as Dr. Svoboda said. And it doesn’t look like it’s going to change much any time soon - until 2012 - and that’s the difficult part for me. It’s all part of my karma – a playing-out of the consequences of my actions in the past. However, I am the eternal optimist and I have more dreams and aspirations than almost anyone I know and I reserve a secreted-away little space in my heart for these dreams to live and breathe. They are with me always and can never be taken away. It is from this little wellspring that I find my strength and hope – no matter the circumstances of my day-to-day life or my relationships. My Mother used to call me ‘smiley’ as a child and I often reflect on this as a means of remembering how profoundly beneficial this disposition is for our well being and of those around us. The eternal optimism of a happy child – isn’t that a blessing worth manifesting and holding?
I have been blessed lately in that I’ve discovered other remarkable teachers and teachings via Podcasts in iTunes on the Internet. Of particular note are Zencast and The Psychedelic Salon. Some of the most profound thinkers and ‘searchers’ of our time have been immortalized in digitized audio recordings and then distributed freely for all of us to access if we choose. For this I am extremely grateful and appreciative. I have been listening to some of my greatest heroes; Ram Dass, Terrence McKenna, Eckhart Tolle, Myron Stolaroff, Daniel Siebert, Rupert Sheldrake, Ralph Abraham, and Matt Pallamary just to name a few. These intrepid explorers of consciousness represent to me the finest in bravery, integrity and yearning (burning) curiosity - for their work in expanding our knowledge of the human consciousness condition and its potential. Of particular note should be those people (and teachers themselves) who work to provide a forum and method of exposure and distribution for these teachers and their messages – Lorenzo at The Psychedelic Salon and the producers of Zencast – to them I am extremely grateful.